When lessons on subduing spirits began, it was long overdue. The students found themselves in a mundane looking classroom, which disappointed the wizards who always longed for more practical lessons. It was a couple of minutes to the hour when Sabina breezed in.
“Phew, I made it in time. Wouldn't want to be late,” She said in a very cheery voice as she came to sit with the others.
“Since when have you wanted to be on time to a lesson?” Wolfram asked.
“I have my priorities right, friend. This seems like it's going to be one of our most important classes.”
“Unless you've already decided what you want to do,” Teodor said. “I thought you were already set on keeping your spirit as it is?”
“It doesn't hurt to be open-minded my good-”
“Did I not wake up this morning?” Came Sabina's voice. The woman was stood in the doorway, watching the interaction with bulging eyes.
The first Sabina laughed. She rubbed a hand along her face and as it came away her skin seems to bubble. “Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I could play that off for a little longer.” She stood and marched to the front of the class as the second Sabina came to take her seat. “My name is Belinda Avery, and I shall be teaching you about subduing spirits. We will go into the process itself later. Today, we're going to focus on what subduing actually is, and have you consider if you want to do it.” She paused for a moment before noticing the looks of horror on everyone's faces. “Just ignore my face. It should stop bubbling by the end of class.”
Celeste raised her hand. “Why did you feel the need to do this?”
“Do what?”
“The...impersonation thing?”
“It gives me a perfect opportunity to demonstrate things, a practical aspect to our lesson. Now, to begin, I expect all wizards know the basic idea of subduing at this point. Can one of the mundane students tell me what they know? I always love hearing your misunderstandings.”
In spite of her discouraging words, Idris' hand shot up. “Subduing is a process through which a wizard can permanently reduce the power of their spirit.”
“Incorrect,” Belinda said casually. “That is one effect of the process, a wizard's power is weakened. But I think of it as killing your spirit. I don't know why subduing became the preferred term, murder makes it sound much more dramatic, and fun really. Killing it is a more accurate description because of what?” She asked, motioning to the wizards in the room.
“Because the spirit no longer speaks to you,” Celeste said simply. That was the only thing she knew about the process so far. And the only bit that mattered to her.
I am fortunate that you are too weak to kill me. I can feel it in you.
“Exactly. And, if we're being honest, that is the only reason wizards chose to subdue their spirit. It's why I did. I've heard that some people find the voice of their spirit calming, but I could never relate to that. Mine was the spirit of a drinking house. As you can imagine, it was very bad at giving me a moment of peace.” She smiled, shaking her head. “Subduing's other main benefit is that you cannot be consumed. There is no empowering or soothing. Your soul doesn't expand but is locked to its normal size as it was prior to binding.”
“And that's why it makes you weaker?” Idris cut in.
“Yes,” Belinda said with a sigh. “That is why you become weaker. You can only draw through so much power.”
“But what are the numbers on that? By what percentage?”
“No one has worked out numbers like that. I think it depends on what your powers are like. But, for the practical example, consider my face.” She motioned to her bubbling skin. “When my spirit was alive, I could change my face in a maximum of...thirty seconds, I would say. That was when doing major changes to skin and bone and muscle and fat all at once. A little change to facial structure I could do in seconds. Now, a complete change, to look like a wholly different person, can take a day.” She nodded. “So yes, I was preparing to freak you all out since yesterday. My intel told me she was always the latest.”
“Just because it's true doesn't mean it's nice. Or that it isn't weird.” Sabina complained.
Celeste raised her hand. “If your soul no longer expands, does that mean you don't feel things more? Like, the way emotions get stronger, is that completely gone?”
“It's hard to say. Emotions aren't a thing to be measured, no matter what some men of science will say. Most people spend years as a wizard before subduing, and it can be hard to remember what things felt like before. Plus, every experience is different. Every feeling unique, in its own way. All this is to say, however, that I do believe you are returned to normal on that front.” She let the thought hang in the air for a moment. “The other changes we undergo stay the same, which is another reason people subdue. When you live for a few hundred years, you see more people you love come and go. That pain can be all the harder to handle.”
There is a simpler solution to that. Simply see people for what they are; another tool for you to use. Another way for you to get the advantages you need. For us to become more powerful.
The spirit was deranged as always. Celeste glanced over to Sabina. They were similar ages, and both wizards. If she saw the other woman die, it wouldn't be for a long time. And maybe not at all. She was thankful she hadn't befriended mundane students. She hadn't considered that pain before, but as Belinda spoke about it, she felt the dread sinking into her stomach. The fear of living so long dug into her. And of course, that pain only hurt so bad because of the spirit inside her.
“Now then, I think we should get onto a discussion of how powers can be affected by subduing. It is important you know what you'll lose, as well as what you gain.”
The class understandably left Celeste with a lot to think about. And it left her spirit more anxious than usual. It whispered to her all evening about the power it could give her. She had grown accustomed to being able to soar through the air, and she couldn't imagine she would have as much freedom if she subdued her spirit. Shutting up the voice, however, would be a blessed relief. And not having to fear being consumed, that was certainly an upside.
It remained a dilemma. What would she lose? Would she be strong enough, could she protect her people if she was weakened like this? The worries left her tossing and turning in bed long after Sabina had drifted off beside her. The balcony doors hung open, letting a cooling breeze in. And a voice. Quiet, but the Wind brought it to her ears. Celeste listened for a while, struggling to identify it before getting up to investigate.
She carefully unpicked herself from Sabina's arms, so as not to wake the other woman, and pulled her jacket on. She'd grown very accustomed to the cold over the last year and a half and she didn't mind it biting at her skin. She stood on the balcony and looked up. The voice was definitely coming from above her. In a single leap, she was on the roof of the school. She almost stumbled off it again as she saw Teodor and the thing they were talking to.
It was much like an owl. Except, too big. Several times bigger than a man. Its face was flat and round, with a human-like mouth instead of a beak, and no discernible eyes. Two pairs for wings flapped behind it in panic as Celeste appeared.
“Gust and gales, what is that?” She said in shock, dropping her stance. She wasn't convinced the thing wasn't about to charge her.
“Please, stay still,” Teodor said, panic in their voice as well. “She won't hurt you. I don't think. She means no harm though. Please, let me explain.”
Neither Celeste nor the owl-thing were calmed by their words, but Celeste nodded. “Explain quickly please.”
“This is Marine. She is...Was, a student here.”
Celeste narrowed her eyes. “I don't think owls are accepted here.”
“No, not...She was a wizard. She was...Consumed.”
Celeste looked at the owl again, at Marine. There was nothing about the creature that struck her as human in its form or its motions. But the more she looked at it, she thought she could imagine the person it had once been.
With a lot of slow movements and calm words, Celeste came forward to sit beside Teodor. Marine, though nervous at first, seemed to warm up to Celeste's presence, letting her run her hands over the creature's feathers.
“She was here when I first arrived. Must have been here a month when she was consumed. It doesn't happen often, they said. I haven't seen it happen since, so I guess they were right. Really shook me up though,” Teodor explained.
“And she's just stayed around here? Nesting or something?”
“I don't think she nests. She's not an owl after all. Consumed wizards don't seem to be anything. They are simply themselves. A unique being, every one of them.” Teodor smiled weakly.
“But she stuck around?”
“I think she flies all over. She can move fast enough that she could be going to the other side of the Taoan mountains and back every day. I only see her from time to time though. I guess she's a little sentimental as well.”
“I don't get this,” Celeste admitted. “I thought once you were consumed that was it, human and spirit fused into an inhuman monster that killed and destroyed everything in its path.”
“That is what they teach. I don't know, the teachers have hundreds of years of knowledge between them. But from seeing her, I don't think that's right. I think the human part of you remains. Or maybe both parts do. Just, your desires become aligned. Her spirit gave her control over the wind. She could fly, and far more easily and gracefully than you.” Teodor smiled to themselves before continuing. “She came from nobility. She said she'd never felt any freedom before being bound. I think flying was freedom to her. And she couldn't restrain herself enough to stop being consumed. But if the spirit's desire was the create winds in the physical realm, and her's was to fly, then I suppose it was a match made in the heavens.”
Marine let out a small sound, leaning closer to Teodor. They gently rubbed at her face.
“Most of us are in conflict with our own desires and that of our spirits. What does yours want?” They looked at her inquisitively.
“Power. Broadly speaking. It claims it can make me more powerful than everyone around me.”
“And is that what you want?”
Celeste shook her head. “I don't know what I want, really. I think I need to protect my people. The things going on down there...It's scary, really.”
“It is,” Teodor said with a nod. “But it sounds like you and your spirit are in conflict about your goals. If you were consumed, only one of those goals can really win. Marine here had a balance between them.” They laughed softly. “At least, that is what I believe.”
“So you don't think we're completely gone if we're consumed?” Celeste said, thinking over the implications of this. The way it was spoken of left her thinking of it as death. She couldn't say she wanted to end up some monstrous-looking thing like Marine. But this seemed like something different altogether.
“Maybe. Whatever Marine is now, there is a memory of who she is still, of that I'm certain. I was never very good at those sorts of discussions, the philosophy of magic.”
Marine made a loud cooing noise before stretching her wings again. In a single flap, she took into the air, leaving a huge gust behind her. They watched her disappear into the sky.
They had been watching the empty sky for a while when Celeste spoke again. “I think I will stay as I am. I don't think subduing is worth it.” She hastily backed up. “I mean, seeing her doesn't make me want to be consumed or anything. And I don't think I would become something so peaceful. But I need the strength.”
“That is rather noble, I suppose,” Teodor said.
“You think so?”
“Well, it is a risk. You'll remain in danger. And that voice will always nag at you. But doing it for those you love, I think that means a lot.”
“What are you planning to do?” Celeste asked, feeling rather put on the spot by their kind words.
“Oh, I'm not going to subdue either. I think the idea of change scares me too much. My spirit is very much as odds with me as well in that respect. Always demanding I charge onwards. Not that that hasn't been a help at times. I wouldn't know who I truly was if it hadn't been there.”
Celeste's eyes turned out over the lands below them. Teodor's homeland. What would they do to protect their home? These questions seemed to plague her. She tried to ignore it and enjoy the moonlight and the wind.